| TUESDAY, DECEMBER 9TH; |
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| the pet shop where i got you & your brother is now long gone. a sushi shop is now standing in its ground and looking back it all kind feels like a mirage. it had taken just about a second to pick you out of that litter of kittens cuz i thought you were the prettiest cat i'd ever ever seen. yes, i'll admit it. i only bought you because you were pretty. (how superficial and slightly arrogant of me.)
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| nevertheless..... we were the perfect match, the perfect blend.
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| you ultimately left this world with the same disease as your brother. i had a little more time with you, however, past fully grasping that we were now at the point of no return. as if life was trying to say; "here—you couldn't accept that everything crashed down in a flash and not being able to say goodbye; now you get the experience the same story with an alternate ending". 6 more days. that's what i got hanging out with you. a tiny figment of hope in my heart while my brain was likely aware it was all a charade. that, in a nutshell, i was only really keeping you alive for myself. sometimes you'd be looking ok and other times, not at all. my gut instinct became this berserk on/off switch on whether to make the final call to the vet office. & this just had to stop.
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| i cried more over your brother but it doesn't mean sh*t. also i'll write less then upon his passing, i guess this is my ultra condensed version of farewell cuz with you words were utterly meaningless anyway.
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| i'm at peace knowing you got to cross over inside your own home (or shall i say your 4th home after moving so often!). just f*cked me up a little bit you actually went to eat despite feeling nauseaus after the vet got here.....as if showing you were still clinging on to life some way, somehow. godammit. while you received the final injection that lame song i hate, "my only angel", was playing on the radio. but if i get past my disdain for yungblud, perhaps you are going to be my angel, after all.
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| no other cat is going to feel like you on my shoulder. no other cat has ever clung to my arm while i'm sleeping or resting. you truly were like this comfy cushion i kept coming back to after feeling exhausted.
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it's been an absolute delight having you as my cat-daughter for 15 years.
π§‘π§‘π§‘
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| p.s.: the evening after your departure i happened to notice the shower tiles inside my bathroom exactly matched your 3 fur colors. one tile appeared particularly bright white. maybe it was a sign, or so i wish it was a sign.
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