| TUESDAY. MAY 9TH; |
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| once upon a time, H.I.M gigs might've felt like this or this or this:
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R.I.P all that sweet exhuberence.
we're all like 20+ years older and gotta act our age, i guess?
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| that particular evening i was about to see the mr valo himself live on stage for my 43rd birthday after decades of mostly missing out on the H.I.M era. because i'm a late bloomer. well perhaps more accurately, because i'm a judgemental idiot. or rather, was. whatever. point being: in the early 2000s, i could not possibly respect a band whose main focus and/or emphasis i believed to be about its singer's looks. albeit honestly, my early twenties are a bit of a blur at this point. i suppose i was halfway on board with the people believing H.I.M was hot-topic goth cringe + halfway being a bit a closet fan with some of their songs into my musical library. i suppose no matter which side of the fence you picked back in the day, H.I.M remained a whole mood. noone sounded like them then, and noone has sounded like them since. anyways... many moons later i came to realize how talented all the band members were and felt like a bit like a fool for missing out.
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| six years after the farewell tour + consequent disbandment, don't get me wrong: i'm thrilled ville valo is back with a solo project. and touring again as the cherry on top. almost as though my crazy-musical-fan-life is handing me a second chance on a silver platter. yet truth of the matter is—pausing to quote the movie "heathers" here; "why are you such a megabitch??" "because i can be" haha: i'm not vibing much with his newer own material and actually care very little about it. not to mention i miss linde's guitar like CRAZY but that's a whole other topic altogether. i dunno.....ergh. i guess the latest overall tone is too much of a leap for me as i'm still vibing to "sigillum diaboli" ("i'm your christ and i want yooou") and "it's all tears" ("i'll violate you in the most sensual way" yeah sure OK) and how not to sing along to "razorblade kiss"—i reaaally need to know. his lower vocal range is mostly gone and I MISS IT SO, i.e. voice drop halfway through "sleepwalking past hope" = chills. i think it's clear he wants to move on at this point, and that's more than okay, however my soul's still hopelessly stuck with the now ex-band.....which of course he was at the forefront of, so here's where my thoughts come clashing! the mood of H.I.M cannot be topped in my book. not AAAALL of their songs or albums if you wanna get nitpicky *cough* screamworks *cough cough*, but most of it, HELL YES. "deep shadows and brilliant highlights" is still a masterpiece to me: do not give a flyin' f*ck about the mixed reviews. & the "slippery when dead" demos i don't care how odd they sound i'm still listening to that sh*t. ❤
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| given the circumstances, seeing ville solo is/was the next best thing. ABSOLUTELY WORTH ATTENDING. cuz no matter the outcome, for once into my lifetime i'd be hearing that voice inside the same room as i'd be standing. & for those who can't understand, i'll let ya'll know that according to a youtuber who once did a review of one of their live songs [speaking about valo]; "this guy has the kind of voice that makes a nun wet on cold winter day during a snowstorm, as she's walking through that snowstorm thinking of ice cream or something else. but anyways, he has the kind of voice that just, you know, like if there's a singer that can get women to take their bra off and throw it on stage, that's it." BWAHAHHAHHA, hmmmm.
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| now back to my day in order to attempt a concise entry...
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| from the very beginning, my mission was clear: have my body hang on for approx 12 hours with hardly any food (since i'm old now and my body's f*cked in many respects and god forbid it might turn out bad? HAHA) + no water/liquid + especially NOT going to the toilet. aka, the ordeals of going to shows alone and lining up early in the afternoon so you can secure a 1st row spot where you're unfamiliar with your surroundings. BUT. there i was now almost at the finishing line. tightly hanging to that barrier up front and trying my damndest to ignore the people behind constantly bumping on my ass. not craving any of those upper-mentioned things and feeeeliiing FINE. wooo. do you believe in miracles? now i do, i dooo.
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| & so standing squeezed in between a super enthusiast guy fan to my left and a rather reserved girl to my right.....
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| also check out this video screenshot (not mine): |
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| I WAS THERE. proof. |
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| ok, ok. ok!! let's talk. at the very end I MANAGED TO GRAB ONE OF THE SETLISTS from one of the band members handing them over. helps out that i'm tall, i suppose. f*ck yeah. much more satisfying than catching a bride's bouquet at a wedding. |
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| now on the disappointing side of things: no "funeral of hearts" on the setlist. am i ever gonna recover??? TIME SHALL TELL! honestly, if there was one song from the setlist for this tour which i wanted to hear, it was this one. but nope. it was skipped or whatever. however, i'll give credits where credits are due: "when love and death embrace" at the very end..... now THAT was a moment. mmmmmm. |
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| the sound was quite loud up front and unfortunately i didn't feel the clarity and/or quality of his voice came through that way, or at least not the way i wanted it to come through in order to fully appreciate... ya know? not sure if it's about tuning or volume or microphone sound not being stellar. i'm not a tech person. perhaps that's part of the deal when you're standing that close up front? *shrug* hell, i didn't even recognize the snippet he did with the lyrics from "gone with the sin" as a song outro. WHAT THE HECK!!!! only realized this upon watching a video from the show somewhere online later on. dang.
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| as previously expected, for this tour ville has swapped the rockstar image for a more crooner approach. he nevertheless sounds great, seems pretty damn happy and in a good place mentally. so... yay. in my humble opinion his new/updated stage presence doesn't feel nearly as comfortable as it once was, but i think he seems more relaxed than for the first tour dates this past winter. again... yay. does he still feel magnetic and enigmatic and charismatic after all those decades? yes, yes, yes. i mean, YES. a poet such a gother nick cave with a voice that makes me melt like butter. |
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| throughout the entire set the girl standing next to me was quiet as a mouse and almost in a trance wrapped inside her own bubble. hardly clapping or demonstrating any kind of emotion: no shouting, no singing, no nothing. a sharp contrast to everyone around. at some point i even thought she might be a friend or an acquaintance of his, cuz it was too odd otherwise. but whenever she threw that teddy bear on stage with a letter wrapped around it, i knew this was not boredom after all but rather adorable yet kind of intense fandom. more quiet people like that next to me at gigs, please! |
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| & now my 2 cents at being trivial. since i'm a nostalgic b*tch finding true absolute comfort in the past, it's a given that i miss how ville used to dress differently/edgy and OF COURSE miss his stupid laugh (which he doesn't do anymore for whatever reason) and perhaps above all: i miss seeing him without the darn grandpa hat which i’ve already ranted about but seems glued to his head now. π at this point i'd rather we get a bald or semi-bald ville (if that's what's truly happening here yet purely speculating) rather than hat-wearing-ville. or bring back to beanie, for cryin' out loud! and..... yes, i also miss wild drunk ville. there. i said it. please don't throw tomatoes my way i knooow it's fucking asinine to say such a thing, considering how had he not gotten sober along the way he might not still be with us today. or might've end up like ex-friend bam. k. ya'll never read that. *shush* |
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| speaking of alcohol... during the show i kept seeing him drink from what appeared to be beer cans and honestly got a bit wide-eyed in disbelief that he could cheat so blatantly. caught an eventual glimpse of the cans whose brand turned out to be "liquid death". well, we don't have this stuff over here in canada (or i've never noticed?) so there i was still having no f*cking clue. but later on i was in a supermarket and they happened to some have in stock. this is actually flavored-sparkling-whatnot WATER. "liquid death: murder your thirst". HAHAHAA well i'll be damned. |
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| & now my 3rd cent at being trivial; no worries i'm just about done, haha. perhaps the elephant in the room—at least to me—is how frail he looks nowadays. not necessarily on my photos up here but rather throughout recent photos/videos. i know he's mostly always been super skinny. but when he was younger at least i guess he still had some of that baby fat up in the face (goddamn was he ever so painfully beautiful with features like a doll) however fast forward to now sometimes i dunno and wonder. cuz this feels like...beyond. dare i say, skin and bones?? and no i'm not saying that in a jealous bitter way cuz i on the contrary got fatter over time, hahhahahaha. i mean, although he's not showing skin much at all anymore one can tell that those clothes are baggy and they're not meant to be baggy clothes. by the way, this is not AT ALL coming from a place of judgment but rather a place of concern. cannot help but wonder if he's truly healthy despite the fact he doesn't drink smoke or drink anymore. but hey. i don't know the guy personally nor is it any of my business. just happen to have eyes and a tendency to ramble a lot. |
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| his new musicians aka bandmates (sorta?) actually sounded pretty good. neverthless cannot deny the fact that it feel sooooo odd seeing ville play with other musicians than the H.I.M band members. it certainly got the job done, however didn't really feel any spark or anything on that level. kind of reminded me of the bizarro world episode in seinfeld, hahahahha. |
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| and now! a moment i'd kinda been waiting for, actually. mwahhaha. VV is a true gentleman compared to brian molko for ALLOWING US TO TAKE AS MANY PICTURES AND VIDEOS ARE WE LIKE. π |
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| after the show waited approx an hour outside to see if he was gonna come out and greet fans. but after getting mobbed by fans the prior night, the chances were reaaaally freakin' slim and indeed nothing happened. boo. |
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| p.s.: had a laugh @ my credit card statement back home: |
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at this price i'll take over a dozen plz.
HAHA thanx for the illusion, merch shop. |
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